Solace Zone

A Fall Prey

2012-02-10T21:00:00.003+08:00

Bewilderment. puzzlement. confusion. perplexity. shock. astonishment. My soul and psyche were impaired gravely after a series of inveterate lies and betrayal. Do i deserve it? I questioned myself..This was not the first time. The defence and shield i built was not strong enough. Perhaps it was entirely my fault. I was too soft-hearted.. I believe too much.. I let room for slackness. Now, i would pine for my mistakes. I don't have courage to continue this friendship anymore. I have endured enough. No more. I wouldn't want to bear another fragment of this fragile and delicate soul of mine being severed. I wish you would know..when the time comes.

I wish countless times that another friendship would bloom. I treasure and value the time we spent together. Your company is the thing i seek, the thing i miss, the thing i anticipate.. yes, everyday.. I wouldn't hope you feel the same. but, I hope it will last for as long as we can still meet. Never in my wildest dream i met you, you are the only gift that I cherish. Your indirect comfort and encouragement soothe my inflamed and aching emotions. Thanks for not asking about my pain. Your experiences have taught me alot and i'm glad you accepted me as one of your kind. I do wish our unclear relationship would prosper to close friendship-I wish to ask you this..but, i'm not brave enough. I'd gather my courage to ask you before it's too late.

Yearning for Home

2012-02-06T16:58:00.002+08:00

Emotions are currently temperamental and warring..moods are swinging..heart is aching..

I don't feel good.. I don't feel at ease.. something bothers me.. Concentration and focus were bad these days.. perhaps i really miss home. I thought i was strong enough to bear with leaving,indeed it was not at all. The courage in me disappears in the brink of darkness. Now,all I need is something to hold onto, something to motivate me, to keep me going forward, to remind me of what is to come and to soothe my pain and agony. I ache for inner calmness and solitude. 3months is all I need to bear before i could go home. It seems to be short in a minute but forever in another. Strength be with me to deal with this coming months. I need someone to talk to, someone that could understand my feelings and someone i feel at ease with. I couldn't think straight now, everything seems to fall apart..i know there's no turning back and my choice should be definite by now.

Defence Mode: ON

2012-02-02T13:11:00.003+08:00

Yes, I'm relieved..mid-semester tests ended this morning.

Having oneself sitting for exam during high fever was not a joke! It was not a good time to fall sick..darn..! perhaps, it was due lack of sleep and insufficient intake of fluids during CNY holidays..nevermind the weather yet. :( suffering in the exam hall was indeed an understatement of what I truly felt. Papers that involved lots of calculations-Physics & Maths: i screwed them..my head was spinning. I just couldn't think straight. I was cursing myself every minute when i couldn't solve even a simple simultaneous equation. I remembered my sleepiness empowered me when i was answering my English paper. Fortunately those tests lasted an hour each- if they weren't, my agony and suffering couldn't be expressed fully in words. Thanks to my sickness, i didn't study for the tests. I knew how i had answered. Anyway, who cares what would happen next. Let the results be.. I'm recovering :) thanks to some of the friends' concern..

It's freezing..frosty,

the body aches for warmth,

chanting for a surge of fires' heat,

and hope for the end of blizzard,

to shield this frail and fragile self.

Self-infliction

2012-01-17T17:42:00.004+08:00

I wonder,

after countless times of betrayal,

I still firm on believing you.

After every single disappointment,

I chose not to question;

but to have faith in you.

My heart sores at times;

with a wound that never heals-

bombarded with continuous perfidy and deception.

I might be asinine, foolish or witless,

to place trust on you,

but deep inside I still wanted to believe you,

all that left to me was endless torment and trauma.

A Fresh Start

2012-01-06T13:59:00.002+08:00

2011 was indeed a bizarre year for me where big transformations occurred and more interesting details are embellishing the chapters of my life. From a SPM leavers to a part-time worker to a matriculation student was a unique part of my metamorphosis cycle. Every stages unveiled the wonders in them and enriched me with values to bring me out of my comfort zone. (Well, isn't life is all about learning new things and acquiring new skills?) All the intricate parts of experiences are truly intriguing. I've learned to see things not only the way they are but why and how they were. I've learned to treat things differently-to treat them as a sole entity and to be lenient and not so OCD in certain things. I know i should have look,listen and feel harder to decipher and enlighten the vagueness of life. I cherish moments that i have for reflection and contemplation-i've gotten to know myself even more than before. The last day of 2011 was spent entertaining myself with concerts performed by college's students and a whole great countdown experience with a bunch of new friends :)

p.s. 2012 just started..if the Mayans' prophetic vision is true-let's living life to the fullest and start to appreciate those people around you. Spread your love and 'walk' a exotic and meaningful journey down the path..who knows that you would find what you are looking for all this while.

Treat every tomorrow as a new beginning, new lease of life and hope:)

Chinese New Year is coming and i seriously i can't wait to go home soon!! Cheerio~

Be My Guide

2011-12-02T11:50:00.003+08:00

The cerulean blue sea,

sparkling with the rays;

of the exquisite sunset,

shining through the dilemma,

of non-existence,

trapping in a darkest tunnel,

with no direction.

Wishing for a glimmer of hope,

in search of the reality, the truth-

to decipher the code,

to solve the puzzle,

to loosen the knot,

yet-it was still an unanswered prayer,

waiting for a soft whisper of miracle.

MISCONCEPTION

2011-11-20T12:07:00.002+08:00

People tend to get oversensitive or upset over certain issues..just from the surface of what they see or hear, but hardly ever they ponder or contemplate the reasons behind it. We are often dragged into the faults of what the majority do although deep in our hearts,we know that we aren't the same(exceptional you may say).. I would not blame people who has generalisation/certain perceptions on my (group/class/race or whatsoever that you can name). Anyway,should I care?? Stop blaming others who make certain statements about you-PROVE to them that you are different and not everyone is like what they thought we are. 'Stop' with all those rantings and complains-it doesn't work-it only makes people certain that you are just another one of them. It doesn't help in improving your status-it just merely making things worse. Wake up!! Try to be more mature and empathy when you are viewing things from another perspectives.

It's Time..

2011-10-16T21:13:00.002+08:00

The time has come, it's a vantage point with no turning back. It's not a dream anymore..the picture is getting distinct and more evident day by day. I know i have to face it with just courage and confidence by my side.

It's was rough..

2011-10-02T17:30:00.002+08:00

I stood strong,

against the turbulent winds,

a sudden gust of icy gale,

left me shivering and trembling.

I clenched my fists,

my teeth were chattering.

I gather my inner strength,

dragging my legs,

my heart was aching,

my head was throbbing,

I know i'm reaching,

en route to savour the end.

Unpredictable.Unforeseeable

2011-09-16T21:22:00.002+08:00

Uncertain. Yes, most of the things happening now is indeed uncertain. Swinging my life with constant temperamental mood. I'm hesitating,doubtful and indecisive. Nothing seems to be going on as planned. It's frustrating, exasperating and disheartening when you can just sit down and do nothing about it. My emotions and feelings are much calmer now..time heals. Loving and caring myself more as days goes by. I'm wearing a disguise, a veil, a semblance to conceal and protect myself-it's so fragile and delicate inside. I wish to guard it with all the shields and defenses that i have. I'm still here-reminiscing my decision with a choke of nostalgia. There's no longer a turning back-i glance over my shoulder..analysing the footsteps i left, i understand..thus, it's the present moment i lead..the path-seems bleak and uninviting. I take my courage with me and toughen myself, hoping to triumph and conquer the end.

Cry of Anguish~

2011-08-24T10:32:00.006+08:00

A battle,
between the mind and soul,
constantly warring,
tormenting the mind,
and suppressing the soul..
it was choking.

The cloying fragrance-
of this battle,
causes queasy,
and making me wavers.

Feelings and emotions..
constantly fluctuating,
with doubts and hesitations..
challenging my beliefs,
left me wondering,
between right and wrong.

I'M HOME!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-19T20:05:00.002+08:00

yes! i'm home at last..after 3months in perlis matriculation college..i'm really over the moon. I brought homework back with me. :( which is so heavy.. T.T need to study and finish all the assignments during holidays..planning to catch up with all the korean dramas and movies which i have missed! unfortunately, the bad news is..after the holidays, i have only 6weeks left towards my final for semester 1..lots of syllabus to cover and revise @.@ i'm glad that my journey back home today only took about 3.5hours. hehe^^ thanks to eldest bro for driving me back! :) i didn't do well in my mid-semester test although the results are quite satisfactory..will try my best for final which is coming. It feels so good to be home and able to wear shorts all day long rather than wearing all those long sleeves and baju kurung which are so unbearable and it only allow you to eat more and be fatter without noticing since the attire you put on everyday is so loose~~ you can't monitor your weight gain. I'm sick of all the malay-ish food which mainly are those curry with coconut milk and deep fried stuffs. At last, i'm able to taste and eat all the sumptous chinese delicacies..yay!!

That's all from me now..Cheerio~~

Shimmering Lights...

2011-08-04T21:55:00.002+08:00

Yes,i'm going to talk about lights..i must be insane to talk about lights after weeks of not updating..2months+ i'm away from home, i should say it must be ages already..but, surprisingly, i'm okay with it and doesn't experience home-sickness..in this short period of time, i realised about lots of principles and realities in life. I think i began to see the light that every thing happens for reasons. Instead of lamenting about our present condition, why not make the best of it and think sanguinely and be sure that everything will be alright as they will take care of themselves. At first, we might not see the light as a whole, but as time passes..a clearer picture will emerge itself.. I wouldn't deny that i'm not really happy here..As the time goes on, i have developed that many things wouldn't come into your way as you wish, but just take it as an opportunity to search for your true self. i wouldn't deny and agree more that this might be the blessings from the unknown.
When you are away from your old nest, you will get to meet various types of people from all over the places. Many pass by in your life and few would leave footprints in your heart. Here, i'm able to see a few types of people. Majority here thinks that only through education that you are able to succeed in life and scoring string of As is the utmost and only task that you should focus on. Sometimes i realise that they have forgotten the basis of life and the purpose of being a student. In their dictionary-it's always about study and study. These students are not considered as intelligent or brilliant to me, where else i feel that i should always salute for their determination and endless efforts to study so that all the information will be encrypted in their memory. During exam, it's a mere process of regurgitation of facts. They often neglect the reall essence of life-happiness!! I couldn't blame them for it as this is a mentality passed down through generations. In such a violence competitve world, our ability no longer focuses only on our academic results but other intelligence play a part too.
Anyway, i'm still happy today since i've finished my mid semester test..New tougher battles going to begin soon..
p.s. 'Mind is the forerunner of everything'. i still believe that everything would be alright :) Cheerio~~

Stereotyped mentality..

2011-06-25T16:15:00.003+08:00

Every now and then, we often encounter with incidents emerged from stereotypical mindset..People like to assume something just because of what they see from the majority group and ignoring the minorities. People will give you a weird look when u do not act like one of them, as though you were from some sort of species from another planet. 'sigh'..It's an impossible task for the minorities to compromise their ability in order to cater with the majority. I could say that i'm a minority here-so, whatever you do, will create suspicion and curiosity..especially when you do not follow the flow or you are doing something else people is doing. I always loathe people who conclude that Chinese have small and squinty eyes, has great ability in mathematics and what pissed me off the most is that- 'we' can't pronounce the letter 'R' properly. We are said to pronounce it as 'L' instead of 'R'. Another mindset which i don't understand is- people always assume those who can converse well in English must be a 'banana' (a chinese person who cannot speak or write mandarin) and he/she must be a Christians. Excuse me?!?! Who says that people that have fluency in English must be a 'banana' and Christians? I hated all those stereotyped mindset of the people here and i'm tired of explaining it.

By the way, why do people always deduce that brilliant students or those who scores string of As must be a doctor or even pharmacist, engineers and dentists? Is it forbidden for us to proceed with arts, business and things that doesn't have any connection to being a doctor? Can't we be successful in our own ways? Why should we put up with the conventional mentality of the society? Is it illegal for us to be somebody atypical, exceptional or unparalleled to the flow?

I found out that i'm no longer a biology person because i abhor memorising a stack of facts. Engulfing all the facts and regurgitate it during tests or exams make my life miserable. It's nothing like physics or maths that needn't us to memorise but our understanding. Thus, a profession as a doctor/pharmacist/dentist/lawyer are a no-no for me..I might consider a profession that able to give me the chance to talk most of the time, zero memorising and gives me satisfaction. Actually, teaching/lecturing is not a bad idea..right? exclude malaysia, i'm sure it pays well out there provided you are really good in it. I'd try to update my blog weekly..

Rushing to study with the crammed schedule here with lacking time to understand/analyse each topic well..no satisfaction and joy in learning~~

Till then,

CherLinn :)

Latest Update..

2011-06-16T21:06:00.002+08:00

The Maxis connection here in perlis was really bad for the last few days..so, i couldn't update my blog and share with you about my birthday celebration in matriculation..

12th june

It’s was already 11.55pm and I was still struggling to finish my biology homework since I had gone out for outing the whole day long..loitering in Cmart-arau and around The Store area in kangar..those are the best places that you could find in perlis. Disappointing right? I know…I’m kind of exhausted due to the whole-day long activity and thinking of burying myself in tonnes of homework..at 12am sharp, my phone rang..i’m quite surprised to receive Weng Wai’s call. She instructed me to turn on my phone speaker. I did as she told me. Out of a sudden, a loud birthday song was sung over the phone. I could hear Weng Wai’s, Yi Wen’s and Mei Ying’s voices. I felt terribly awful ‘cause I can’t recognize Michelle Su’s voice..haha..i felt really grateful since this was the first time I receive such call..all these years, I’m used to receiving birthday wishes through messages. After that, I received 2 messages..one from Chuah Su Wen and another from Michelle Ding. I felt grateful that they remember my birthday or should I thank facebook for it?? LOL. My spirits were lifted after replying those messages and continue my homework-sad right?? Without my knowing, my 3 roommates appeared with a cute teddy bear and a lovely card. Owh..what a touching moment..(basically..that’s what I feel..teehee!!) Although these people, I barely know them for about 3weeks, but I’m really touched by their sincere actions. I always thought that I don’t belong here and 10months here-would be like a dreadful time for me to bear through..but their tiny actions really open my heart to accept everything around me and make me feel that I do belong here too. I realized this battle is not for me alone, but for all of us here as a whole.

it's already thursday night and i admit that the time here really flies..with the hectic schedule-i barely have time to unwind myself and breathe..uh.........although we are only required to manage 5subjects-it's quite heavy actually with limited time for revision and spent most of the time attending tutorials and unnecessary activities which i doubt is helpful..I did like biology during my spm days..but here, in matriculation-i found out that i prefer physics more now..maybe i dislike the fact that i need to memorise and constantly read biology-we got a thick book for biology-it's campbell international book which cost me rm105. My mathematics solving skills deteriorate drastically..it's a sliding down from hilltop into the valley...lol..With limited time for math and chemistry practice, you can't be very good in them..'sigh'..since i do not have good tutorial lecturers, i learned not to take things for granted..i appreciate every single time-when i take the initiative to meet up with other lecturers to solve my predicament in that particular subject. I'm quite surprised that i have a lecturer here who can get along very well with me..basically, we can chit chat for long hours..lol..by the way, i'm surprised that those excellent lecturers here are just in their mid-twenties and the way they teach is as though they have more than 10years of experiences..Should give them a big hand..teehee :) Will update my situation here soon..

p.s. i'm kinda used to the life here now..will try my best here..stay happy!

Cheerio~

A dreadful week in Perlis Matriculation

2011-05-28T12:38:00.002+08:00

FINALLY the orientation week ended yesterday..An endless and exhausting week..every night slept at 12.30am and woke up at 5.15am. Gosh~~ the schedule here was really packed.. 'can't breathe'..fell asleep in the hall few times-results of extreme fatigue. but the non-bumis were lucky to have break in between when the islamic students went for prayers.. Didn't go for outing today.. Stay in hostel to online. i chose Modul 1 which includes physics, biology, chemistry and mathematics..i'm not sure whether i had made the right choice or not.. anyway, i will try my very best to study well here.. the matriculation's director kept on reminding us to score 4flat..hehe^^ I'm trying my very best to adapt here..especially with the condition of the toilet and food..made friends with most of the chinese here..but our tutorials 95% are with malays..the lecturers here, out of 123, only 5 are non-bumis...i'm over the moon to have the chance to online after a long week..teehee :) missed my facebook so so so much!! not going home for few weeks..maybe during semester break in august.. Classes-lectures/tutorials start on next monday.. Will update my condition soon..

p.s. Still have high hopes to get jpa scholarships to further studies in private institution or twinning programs..

Cheerio~~

Embarked on a new odyssey..

2011-05-19T23:51:00.004+08:00

I'm going off to begin a new chapter of my life..JPA results was out last friday..to my disbelief, i got the JPA offer but it was only Diploma Sains in Universiti Pendidikan Sultan Idris(UPSI).. WHAT?!?!? i was stupefied.. i stared at my lappy screen for few moments before i gather all my consciousness and thoughts to understand what was in my offer letter.. i didn't realise that tears was welling up in my eyes..lots of questions and thoughts warred in my head..'why did i get the same course and public university as what the upu/kpt/ipta offered to me?' I'm perplexed. I applied for PILN-overseas course and they are giving me a lousy course? I just don't get it. I told my school teachers about this and they were in bewilderment. They couldn't understand more the reasons of JPA offering me this diploma course.. So, i sent twice the appeal form to MCA headquarters and a copy to the MCA office in Sitiawan-(as i heard Dato' Sri Kong Cho Ha will certify and support our appeal letter). I just keep my fingers crossed..hoping for the best..I'm felt truly knackered during this whole week with preparing those documents needed for the appeal form and stuffs for my matriculation intake next monday.. I have no any other choice than going for matriculation-Perlis in the meantime. yeah, it's far from home..more than 5 hours journey to reach there..going to put up in a hotel night before and only then going off to register the next morning.. Well, let's just hope that i will adapt to the new environment and find my very own niche.. I'm aware that life is not always a bed of roses..by overcoming the obstacles is what makes life wonderful and significant. Mark my word that i will give my very best from now on so that i wouldn't repent in the future.. Rather than grieving over my luck of not securing a proper JPA scholarship, it's better for me to prepare myself well and be optimistic that tomorrow will be better~~

Till then :)
p.s. i wouldn't be able to update my blog very often soon since matriculation hostel doesn't provide Wifi services..i'll keep you all updated if anything happens.. take care!

In a state of dilemma

2011-05-10T11:59:00.004+08:00

The news of public service department (PSD) or more renowned as JPA postponed the PILN scholarship again for the THIRD TIME did not leave me astonished or flabbergasted..i felt rather perplexed as i do not know what's my plan next..everything does not seem to be in order..leaving a mess for me to solve and put everything back into a complete picture as though like there's some puzzling code for me to decipher..i would say dilemma or quandary pretty much sum up what i feel now..
i got an offer from perlis matriculation..i have not reply any confirmation regarding whether i'm going or not..i'm kinda worried that i could not reject the offer after i accepted it..and i need to give them a reply by 13th may..the registration date will be at 23rd may..what if the jpa results out before 23rd may? we need to pay around RM425 for the matriculation registration itself. Besides, perlis is quite a distance from here..it needs around 5hours drive to get there. Shall i or shan't i accept the matriculation offer in the meantime?
i felt baffled about the reasons of jpa keep on postponing the results..that will leave us aimless and anxious. Some of my friends told me that i am to get jpa offer since our PM announced that there will be scholarships for those who scored 8A+ and above in SPM 2010. i dare not take up the risk-what if PM doesn't keep his promises or only offer us to go some local Universities? the unknown courses and places that they will offer to us, will be a hitch for us too.. it's like i'm gambling here about my future.. If i am to get a place local university under jpa..i might as well go for matriculation first..Only those who are in the same situation as me will come to comprehend my predicaments.
Hope this issue will be resolved very soon.

My Lovely Lavender

2011-05-08T11:50:00.011+08:00

A meadow of blossomed purple lassie,
Each was scented,
With unique fragrances,
Embellished by scintillating morning dews,
Shines under the summer afternoon,
It's presence;-
Brings comfort and smiles,
Her voices among the nature;
Incites a quiet prayer,
For calm and solitude-
to a place called home.
She's the only lavender,
Using it's utmost potential,
to shower and caress us;
with undying love and affection.

p.s. today is mother's day...always cherish her presence and make her forever happy :)

Ephemeral Existence

2011-05-03T19:23:00.004+08:00

Physique and mind

Arising...ceasing...
In a state of mayhem,
Guided by a blind personage,
Leads to forests and thickets.
Nowhere with genuine tranquility,
Glance within yourself,
Unearth there instead;
Life-pleasant or revolting,
It's still the sequel:-
towards absolute freedom.

Blessings from the unknown..

2011-03-30T21:12:00.002+08:00

It has been a week after SPM results being released..
I had quite a good sleep the night before due to exhaustion..
Once i woke up, the reality dawned on me..i had to face my results!!
As usual, i took my breakfast- but i had no appetite and ended up just ate some noodles and half glass of milk..i felt nauseous..i hid my uneasiness in front of everyone even my parents and friends when i was having my breakfast with them that morning..
At about 9.30am, i received a message from my school counselor..she informed me that only two students got straight As..she didn't mentioned who, but i just had a sudden relieved..which i don't know why..
At 9.50am, i went to school with my friends..thanks to my good friend who was willing to drive me..
I cried when i knew about my results..it was not perfect..i slacked in one subject..i was very sad..tears was cascading down my cheeks..
Other people might think that i should be very happy about my results and many rewards are awaiting me..frankly telling you, i was just afraid i couldn't get scholarships..
Most of my friends are under 'FAMA' foundation and studying in private colleges..(FAMA is referring to father and mother..hehe^^)
Or even they went out to celebrate their results with their family members and even receiving presents or rewards..me? nothing.. but, i never feel sorry for myself..since i knew that everything i did was for my own future and without burdening my parents..
For me, i think the best present is to get jpa-overseas scholarships..i would be on cloud nine by then! ^^
It's just that..i realised nothing ever comes easy..i worked my way through..so, i have no regrets..
At the moment, i remember a quote:

You shouldn't chase after the past or place expectations on the future. What is past is left behind. The future is as yet unreached. Whatever quality is present you clearly see right there, right there.- Buddha

i will just hope for the best for my future..just live fully at the present moment and let everything take care of themselves.. congratz to those who got good results in spm..All the best in future undertakings and bright future beckons..

cheerio~~

K.I.N.D.N.E.S.S

2011-03-18T20:24:00.002+08:00

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
—Naomi Shihab Nye

p.s. i found this poem turned up to be very meaningful.. a simple kindness can bring smiles on everyone's face^^So, do a little kindness today~~ :)

A monotonous rhythm

2011-03-17T09:20:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow..tomorrow..and tomorrow..
It's already been 3months after the last paper of SPM. If you ask me what have i done for these past 3 months-i don't think i'm able to recollect all the memories..since my brain is not a device which is able to download and save every single memory in it. ^^ (i might consider myself as a forgetful person).
Sometimes i'd feel that 3 months past in an twinkling of an eye but there's time when i feel that it's a long period and i have truly rested. I'd admit the fact that i experienced a pure ecstasy after letting off my burden after being need to bear with it for 2years. Although i undergo a simple and easy life from day to day, for me-it's an eternal bliss..i treasure every single moment of it as i'm able to do the things i was longing for in the past 2 years. Life without much worries is a life to cherish for. I'm trying my best to enjoy myself to the fullest as i know that many tough challenges are awaiting for me out there. There's no doubt of it.
A number of my friends went for colleges' january intake. I'd be lying if i really prefer to stay at home and wait for the results rather than starting my college life as soon as them. I realised there's pros and cons between the two choices. I understand the restrictions that i have which may be the solid reason that prevent me from going to private college. Anyway, i never regretted my choice. Some of my friends are struggling while trying to keep up with their studies, assignments and tests etc. I feel sorry for them for being struggling like that. Therefore, it might be a blessing in disguise for me. I'd face the similar situations some day but at least i spent 3 months doing memorable things for myself which will forever be etched in my memory. There's only one thing i'm worried about. For not using my brain much for 3months, i guess it has lost its usual fitness level and ability. Nowadays,i have hard times reading for long hours, lost interest in studying, ability to think out of the box and the love for maths-as compared to the days before SPM.
I hope i'm able to find back my strength when the next studying session starts.
SPM results will be released on 23rd March which is less than a week from today..the day will come faster than i thought earlier on.
I just could not bear to see the results. I guess my hands will tremble when holding the results slip. I wish i will know my results an hour earlier so that i can calm myself down at home before going to school to get it. I'm sure i will have sleepless night-the night before 23rd March.
Things do not get any better when i had a nightmare last night..I got results and dare not open the results slip. I was in an awe when i look at my results- i got 7As and 3Bs. Surprisingly i did not cry in my dream. :) i'm only a little disappointed about it.

Once i saw a saying while reading a motivational book: "Men are disturbed not by things that happened, but by their opinions on things that happened."

It is so true when comes to think about it deeply. People's high expectations on my results are the pressure exerted on me. I'm just do not want to disappoint them. I just want to let them know that things that already been done cannot been undone. I couldn't do anything to change the fact now. All i can do at the moment is just wait. Whether happy or sad, we still need to live on. Why not i choose to live every single day happily rather than feeling nostalgic towards the unhappy reminiscence? I rather to live this life fully than feeling sorry for myself as this life is short.
I wish every beings out there to be well and happy. Treasure every single moments you have especially with your loved ones. Treat triumphs and failure the same way as both are essential to mould our very own version of story.

p.s. Will update my blog once i got my results. hopefully it won't turn out to be bad. Hehe~~

Till then,
Cheerio~ ^^

Mango Tree

2011-03-02T21:21:00.003+08:00

I:
Fruit tree is in bloom,
A breeze stirs,
Sends blossoms falling,
Some buds remain and grow,
A wind blows,
Some falls too,
Still others-become fruit nearly ripe,
Some even fully ripe,
Eventually they fall too.

II:
When it's a flower,
We call it a flower,
When it becomes fruit,
We call it a mango,
When it ripens,
We call it a ripe mango,
It's all but ONE mango,
Changes constantly.

p.s. Our life cycle is just like the mango...contemplate about it...mangoes gave me a sudden inspiration to write it...funny? yes? haha^^ have a nice day!

Cheerio~~

We Are One

2011-01-12T19:47:00.002+08:00

We are drops of one ocean,
We are waves of one sea,
We are trees of one orchard,
We are fruits of one tree,
We are leaves of one branch,
We are flowers of one garden,
We are rays of one sun,
We are fingers of one hand,
We are members of one family,
The whole world is but one family,
The earth is but one country.

p.s. Cultivate Love and Compassion throughout your life..

Cheerio~~

Happy Mother's Day...

2010-05-09T14:32:00.002+08:00

It's mother's day and that means exam is approaching...Oh no!!!
i always wanted to thank mum for giving me lots of support when i'm going through these hard-core days without any complaints...deep in me i know that she understand my situation well and does not give me any pressure..sometimes i just wish i could set back and cry..but i don't have much time for that...it's really tiring lately...burden with tonnes of homeworks, tuitions and revisions...damn!! i can only support myself to this point with the help of ginseng, birdnest and essence of chicken..lol..i never let others know that i'm sacrificing my sleep really badly! on usual nights since 2 months ago, i sleep at about 11.30pm and wake up at 4am sharp...there's no other reason i'm doing this...i believe no one ever sacrifice like i do...i mean i do this on regular basis...not when the exam is approaching....exam is just 1 week ++ away...i feel that i'm not ready yet...there's still alot for me to catch up...who would ever sacrifice their joy just for exam?!?!?!i know i have missed all those funs...but i'm left with no choice...but i rather do it now or else i would be regretful next time...keep the best for last year! many people say i'm hardworking but i feel that they are wrong..i'm not as good as they think i am...sacrifices have to be made in order to achieve something...let me cry in pain now...i will cry again with joy next time~~ wish me luck!

till then.....cheers :)

~SONATA OF THE NIGHT~

2010-03-17T14:20:00.003+08:00

SONATA OF THE NIGHT

In eccentric orbit,

The lunar crates line,

Gazing the earth silently,

With infinity sight,

and lull the song of the night.

It was Cassini division,

between you and I,

Darkest nightmare passes,

with the refreshing dew of the morning,

and the pomanders scents,

Oh! a sweet cloying fragrance-

awakens the unknown.

Hidden sins,

Lust, envy, greed, wrath, gluttony, pride and sloth,

each studded with diamonds, emeralds, amethysts, topazes and rubys,

Vary in the midst of all,

in their very own places,

it's the law..

Oh! Shall the Arcturus shines

and rock us with the melody of the night.

First attempt in writing poem-coincidently--while relaxing after hours of revisions and exams-will try again next time...

Cheerio~~

CNY 2010~~

2010-02-20T14:53:00.002+08:00

Happy CNY!!!
time really flow like waves that never ends....endless---towards infinity...
today is the 7th day of cny..that means cny is coming to an end..but to me-i never feel the spirits of cny at all..to me, it was just another normal day..nothing special...maybe i've something else to think about..not much time to really have myself relax and enjoy throughout the mood of cny...others can really indulged themselves to the max.
homeworks tall like skyscrapers really make me sick throughout the week of cny holiday..
never really bother about collecting angpows or visiting people..just had my own time either sleeping or doing my homeworks...i never deny having a fun time with relatives--chitchatting,gambling"swt...", playing firecrackers, drinking beer...lol....what a bad thing to do...anyway, it's just once in a blue moon..haha
form5 started off quite well for me but still struggling to get enough sleep each day...tired...
don't have time to do form4 revision-sighs...lazy huh?? poor time management i guess...
don't ever like the habits of those classmates using the opportunity to study at home then copy homework when they come to school?? using me huh?? i just keep one eye close and don't really bother about them..they expect i find the answers( wasting much of my own time) then they get the benefits and even study at home....WTH??!?!? patient...patient...

sports day is coming--very busy with lots of stuff...BUT exam is few days after sports day!!!! what?!!?!?? sobs =,= that means i'd have to struggle hard this time..hope i'll achieve my goal!!

p.s. anlthough it's another crap poat..i'd like to wish all of you out there a glorious and fascinating chinese new year!! wish you best in health and wealth too..hee~~

cheerio.best regards

plug in 2010..

2009-12-30T17:08:00.002+08:00

well..new year is almost here..and i'm still here blogging..lazy to get everything ready before the school starts..feel irritated and annoyed when some of my friends are crazy over school-'can't wait to go to school'..what?!!??!swt...what kind of creature is that? hee~~ holiday passes with lots of regrets and uneventful one..hehe--minus those times spent with all the family members during paternal grandma's big 70th birthday dinner!!
can't help myself to have the mood to study during this holidays..can't imagine some of my friends could even attend hours of tuition...sighs...i could say it's a pretty bad start for me during the preparation for SPM huh?? but then, what choice do i have? my physical truly needs a serious rest before i'm going to carry out all those activities that are going to wear it off again..somebody i used to know tell me that i must always keep an eye on the equilibrium in my life..although my mentally state can take it..but my physically can just snap and collapse at any time..(thank you A.M--i'll remember those advices you gave me during the 2 hours lecture)hehehe..
can't afford not to push myself next year..need to quit all those cravings of enjoying myself too much next year..must get a scholarship by hook or by crook..
hope i still can pay enough attention in class when i am going to be placed to sit behind--sighs..why teachers treat me like this?? they said good students aren't meant to sit in front--we must let those weak ones the priority to sit in front--what??!!??sobs..pity me :(

anyway..will try my best in the mean time next year--going to abandon this blog for some time since i can foresee lots of tasks to do next year--well, i hope most of you out there will have a great kick-start of the year and enjoy a fruitful blessings!!

Happy New Year!

cheerio~~

Indulge yourself in this Yuletide sparkle!

2009-12-21T20:28:00.003+08:00

Christmas is just 2 days away..Although i do not celebrate christmas but i always enjoy going to friends party, watch those warm-loving kinship movies and getting some serious relax before the disaster arrive..
25th of Dec also means it is the time to unplug the year of 2009..
this year passed with lots of sacrifices, sorrows, tears and sweat, satisfactions, great amount of patience and tolerance and realising the truth of life..
i would say it is a year which i had learnt to grow, to be strong, to be persistent of what i am doing and to believe in myself..i soon realise although a lot of things in life may seem unfair, but as long as we contribute equal amount of sacrifices..equivalent trade-basis of alchemy..
2009 is not a year to behold and cherish..it passed with a lightning speed when i was filled with tonnes of tasks to do..exhausted..exhausted..exhausted..
lack of sleep and rest truly pissed me off..frequent headache and fever..unnecessary fatigue created lots of inconvenience..took dozens of chicken essence and ginseng to refuel my energy..
looking pale and panda's eyes each day used to question by people..geez..
this is the 4th week of holiday..still lots of sleep debt to pay..relaxation truly works after all those stress accumulated in a year..uhhh..
i never regret of what i had done this whole year..i believe i spent it competently..
in this giving season..not in terms of money and gifts but in the way from deep in the heart..
i would like to offer my forgiveness to all the people around me and wish them to have a better year ahead!
SPM is less than a year away--sufficient skills and knowledge need to be acquired in order to do well..with all the blessings i hope i have enough preparation before it arrives..

p.s maybe this is the last post of the year..couldn't online much next year as i can foresee a tough year for me ahead but i know that "there's no way there's no way".
my brother PMR results is out on christmas' eve- hopefully he gets what he deserves..
enjoy this blissful and cheerful Yuletide day..wish you to have a day that you can cheer for and commemorate forever!

best regards--great luck and life ahead!

shame on me.. -,-

2009-11-06T20:45:00.002+08:00

a funny incident happened to me about three days ago..
resume to attend yoga classes after a month of break-exam..
assured myself it would hurt after a long break-muscles all tightened and stiffened..uh..
went through one-hour session as usual-except for some new poses-learnt
proud of myself-happy for completing the task of doing such poses..but then, both thighs hurt..cramped!!
walk out of the centre..without noticing-slipped into my slippers...
moments passed...waiting....waiting....waiting for dad to come and fetch me home...
thud..thud...somebody tapped on my shoulder..whipped my head..saw a girl smiling at me..saying-"i think you wore the wrong slipper"..i looked at my legs-feeling ashamed..quickly exchanged with her...blaming myself-at the same time-oh gosh! why am i so blur? too tired to bother all those things that were happening around me...sighs...
a lesson learnt...sobs....next time must be more alert-don't repeat my mistake-what a shame!

went to pizza hut today--you may think how lame it is..
but........
it was zhi zi who fetched us there...
first experience in a car drove by someone who just got their driving license..not a bad driver-she has confidence in herself-driving like professional despite we were talking to her non-stop (if it was me-i was sure to have lost concentration with the road)hehe~~
3 girls ordered 2 regular pizzas and a personal pan pizza-people were looking at us-3 skinny girls eating so much--neighbouring table-2 ladies sharing 1 personal pan pizza-huh??enough??omg..
went with zhi zi's 2 young cousin brothers who refused 2 sit with us-enjoying their own pizza themselves-can you imagine, 2 small kids sharing 1 large pizza and they finished it? plus with 2 pieces of our regular pizzas? awesome right?
but it was fun though-funny to hear those kids chattering and playing happily with leftover sauces of salads..disgusting = ="

went to physic tuition then--almost melted the chair-sat for too long!!
haha...anyway,have a great day..good night

adieu **

betrayed..

2009-11-03T15:35:00.002+08:00

another crap post...relax now...after a few deadly weeks..glad it's over..gear up myself for undone job..tired..tired..tired..
nothing much to do at home...just spending precious time online and watching tv...forgive me-Father Time.. ^^
wondering whether it's human nature to lie??
why?? feeling perplexed..dumb..idiotic..baffled...am i now? or was i?
afraid of the outside world-too wild..
gotta face it sooner or later...sobs...in a state of dilemma...emotionless when being scolded or lied by people...did not affect me much..just feeling exhausted to care so much..nothing is fair in this world..some people just need not to be hardworking can get what they want...no justice...sacrificing so much and turn out to be equal? what is this??playing fool with me...
wish i have such a luck or maybe a chance or two..
tired of waiting and expecting...
numb to all what's coming and receiving...let me rest...
shoo shoo worries from my mind...bring me to the state of wonderland which is free of suffering..
afraid of the alienated place out there..but how to live like hermits in midst of so many people..sighs sighs...get well!!

regards~~

Flow of time~~

2009-08-23T21:07:00.003+08:00

sorry to my dear readers--maybe not even one..it might be a boring piece of my brief descriptions..

lazy to update my blog..or should i say..i'm just have no time..haha..what am i crapping about??

it's almost the end of august..damn it! time really passes without alarming us..this shows my form4 year is coming to an end..sobs..that means SPM IS COMING!

really having a tough time this year..probably what i care a lot is--NOT enough sleep..haha..

sleeping at 10.30pm and wakes p at 4am on regular basis..what for?? needn't to mention..

going to develop panda's eyes symptoms..lol..having tuition almost everyday..very busy..but..guess what?! still manage to go for yaga class..haha..weird huh? at least spend some time for myself..truly regret to have no time for reading my favourite novels and of course surfing the net.. :(

studies so far still can cope..i'm too lazy to do practise addmath and acc..no wonder my results are bad..lol..struggling to memorise history facts which ARE SUCKS!! truly abhor it..

be tough.. be tough..

i'm glad that my school able to raise RM1 mil for the new school building..haha..having lots of fun helping around during the fund-raising dinner..

it's holiday..what does it means?? more time to sleep--oh no!! more tuition...patient..another 1 year++ to go..thought of spending more time for studies this holiday..afraid i can't do it..too many interruptions and entertainment--sure dies off when school reopens..with tonnes of unfinish homework and not doing a single revisions..

spending most of my days thinking what i want..as lost as ever..that's me..i'm doing my part for now at least..high expectations are pressuring me alot***

not going to update this blog in this short period..plus, exam is coming means i need to spend more serious time in studying now..wish me luck!!

take care all of you ot there! bless~~smile!!

L!nn*

~Ages ago.......~

2009-06-01T10:57:00.003+08:00

Time flies......in a twinkling of an eye..it's already the mid term holiday..
the sweet sense of relief after exam lingers and permeates the air..what a joy!!
it has been ages last i updated this blog..i think mould and fungi had grown in this blog..haha
hardly find a time to sit down and write in this blog..form4 is a year where i'm packed with lot's of stuffs and activities...many things bother me everyday..worst part is>>i can't find at least few minutes to read storybooks..sobs..10subjects are getting out of hand initially..but trying very hard to cope..wakes up at 4am every morning to study..don't know whether it works or not..people laughed at me..haiz..swt..they think i'm crazy-as though like the rubber tapper waking up to tap rubber..lol..
having tuition everyday make my life truly miserable and exhausted..but i know all the hardwork pays..getting less sleep and rest..the most appalling result--pimple eruptions, stress, eyebags(look creepy and ghostly every morning)haha...
try to get lots of rest this holiday..hoping to refuel my energy loss..
forcing myself to go for exercise every morning-but everything won't turn out to be..staying in bed lazily..what a bad attitude..can change??
feeling elated going online freely during this time..knowing there's no time to do so after the break..
but still having tuition during holiday..sighs..but it's great-at least brain won't jammed with watching tonnes of -at least with some studies..currently reading 'angels and demon'--a truly recommended and fascinating book..there's a link between this marvelous book and 'the da vinci code'...
hardly can keep up with the momentum of reading novels..stopping too long
a disaster season i will be facing..results after holiday..-,-
hope everything will be fine..imagining the teachers' expression when giving back those test papers..guess i'm having trouble with my physics and account..
a big challenge this time..wish all my buddy good luck as well..
after this i don't think i would be able to update this site any sooner..
take care^^

best regards,
L!nn~~

An unpleasant start..

2009-01-11T20:21:00.002+08:00

A new year with a whole lot of new stuffs..
My year starts with a hostile condition..it's not a pleasant ride at all initially..
Or i should put it as a 'culture shock'...form4 is not as pleasing as i thought earlier..it's totally disastrous!! gosh!...
i do not have much free time compared to previous 'honeymoon' year..
the only thing i do everyday is tuition, tuition and tuition...what is this life all about??
Damn it..i should not enter pure science class..a huge burden..
especially Additional mathematics which people fear the most-me not excepted..
Can you imagine i spent an hour staring and trying to do the same question?? i think add math will only be filled by my embraces...people would say practice..practice..practice..
Time management is another thing that sucks..
it is so tough to fit in 10 subjects to study in one week alone..how?
those individualistic and selfish teachers ask us to concentrate on the subject..every teacher would say the same thing..and they give bundle of homework..how could we finish it in time?? tuition...homework...revision?!? could i? a milli chance or episodic i would do so..swt..
the worst thing is i do not have much time to online and relax??

anyway..i will try to adjust myself in this new pace of life..

best regards^^

Exams...Results?

2008-12-31T18:12:00.003+08:00

i owe gratitude to my teachers,parents,everybody and especially my kamma which helped me to achieve my goal for 2008...i should be thankful to be able to score PMR with flying colours..the pathway to achieve it full with despair, embraces, hard work and commitment..after this a new target should be formed to be compatible with a new journey-2009..good luck you guys!

along your ride(rollercoaster-imaginary-life), remember to be happy! :D
i think-to have desire in something creates suffering because we keep on thinking and working towards it..after we have it..we suffer again because we are in fear of losing it again..i believe that contentment is very important to overcome unneccessary suffering..

Gambateh!!

Ciao 2008..

2008-12-31T17:07:00.002+08:00

....2008....

~time sails again...

Time flies having us unnoticed..farewell to 2008 and welcome to another year full of hope and goal to be attained...there're bittersweet moments that should be cherished and some remain as our tears and embraces..
Although we're not encouraged to dwell on the past..although we may be forgotten our past but bits of it still always stay remote and aloof in our memories..
Blissful moments give happiness while unpleasant days give experiences.. both are essential for our individual development...do something to commemorate ourselves that life is a gift..
Coretta Scott King: I'm fulfilled in what I do... I never thought that a lot of money or fine clothes-the finer things of life-would make you happy. My concept of happiness is to be filled in a spiritual sense.

Everybody experiencing different things and each contribute to a diverse personality and see life in the other perspective than we do...
Eleanor Roosevelt: People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

Life is a cycle..birth-growth-sickness-death...
Whether you had a remarkable ride or not..life still has to go on to prove the adage-time and tides wait for no man..
Billy Graham: We cannot truly face life until we face the fact that it will be taken away from us.

Life: Buddha Quotes.The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

p.s.if we hurt somebody or vice versa..we should write it down in the sand, so the winds of forgiveness can make it go away for good. When we help each other we should chisel it in stone, lest we never forget the love of a friend.

**Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

so..start a new year with a whole lot of aims and objectives
~~Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

Happy New Year '09

best regards^^

My Favourite Quote~~

2008-12-23T21:17:00.003+08:00

(Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find anything that agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. (Siddhartha Gautama - The Buddha), 563-483 B.C.)

p.s.i think it's the best adage to realization...the best way is everything must goes through our conscious mind..practise them if you want to!! :)

The List

2008-12-23T10:28:00.003+08:00

It's better if we know what to give a particular person during christmas..
Why don't everybody who wants something particular for christmas list them down either in their blog or msn??
This is because other people who wanted to give you something wouldn't spend time searching and having migraine just to get the correct gift...

*these are what i want for my christmas although i don't really celebrate it per say but it's a giving festival..

~i want all beings are well and happy..
~i want to share my merits with everybody..
~i want to score straight A's in pmr which will be announced soon..
**although i didn't specify anything...because i didn't want anything at the moment...i'm contented with what i have now..

p.s. my wish may be simple but it means whole lot for me..i hope everybody around me would be able to achieved what i want for them and myself and no worries for people around them too..^^

2008-12-22T20:13:00.000+08:00

M3rrY X'ma$

2008-12-22T19:51:00.003+08:00

Since so many people are blogging about this coming Christmas..i also take this golden opportunity to write some about the event..i do not celebrate this event because i'm not Christian in the first place and yet i'm not too exposed to the celebration of this joyful and memorable day..sometimes i would spend my christmas at my friend's house since they would have parties almost every year..

HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS
In the Western world, the birthday of Jesus Christ has been celebrated on December 25th since AD 354, replacing an earlier date of January 6th. The Christians had by then appropriated many pagan festivals and traditions of the season, that were practiced in many parts of the Middle East and Europe, as a means of stamping them out.

There were mid-winter festivals in ancient Babylon and Egypt, and Germanic fertility festivals also took place at this time. The birth of the ancient sun-god Attis in Phrygia was celebrated on December 25th, as was the birth of the Persian sun-god, Mithras. The Romans celebrated Saturnalia, a festival dedicated to Saturn, the god of peace and plenty, that ran from the 17th to 24th of December. Public gathering places were decorated with flowers, gifts and candles were exchanged and the population, slaves and masters alike, celebrated the occasion with great enthusiasm.

In Scandinavia, a period of festivities known as Yule contributed another impetus to celebration, as opposed to spirituality. As Winter ended the growing season, the opportunity of enjoying the Summer's bounty encouraged much feasting and merriment.

The Celtic culture of the British Isles revered all green plants, but particularly mistletoe and holly. These were important symbols of fertility and were used for decorating their homes and altars.

New Christmas customs appeared in the Middle Ages. The most prominent contribution was the carol, which by the 14th century had become associated with the religious observance of the birth of Christ.

In Italy, a tradition developed for re-enacting the birth of Christ and the construction of scenes of the nativity. This is said to have been introduced by Saint Francis as part of his efforts to bring spiritual knowledge to the laity.

Saints Days have also contributed to our Christmas celebrations. A prominent figure in today's Christmas is Saint Nicholas who for centuries has been honored on December 6th. He was one of the forerunners of Santa Claus.

Another popular ritual was the burning of the Yule Log, which is strongly embedded in the pagan worship of vegetation and fire, as well as being associated with magical and spiritual powers.

Celebrating Christmas has been controversial since its inception. Since numerous festivities found their roots in pagan practices, they were greatly frowned upon by conservatives within the Church. The feasting, gift-giving and frequent excesses presented a drastic contrast with the simplicity of the Nativity, and many people throughout the centuries and into the present, condemn such practices as being contrary to the true spirit of Christmas.

The earliest English reference to December 25th as Christmas Day did not come until 1043.

p.s. i wish everyone would have a memory of wonderful christmas that would be cherished forever

My thoughts and quotes--weird

2008-12-18T16:39:00.003+08:00

I always afraid of entering my deep thoughts..i would imagine many awful or terrible things..as well as unrealistic stuff and fear in life..it's not that i had watched to many horror movies..it's always begin when i think of death..my curiosity will grow wild..then i will start imagining things and have many questions begin to overwhelmed me..i'm not being superstitious, i have learned about birth..death..what about life after death?? what would it be?? what would we feel when we are at the level?...i know all these thoughts make people think that i'm insane or (siao ah?!)
all my questions have no answers..all religions talk about hell heaven..then my mind will start thinking this and that..sometimes i think hard..is it what they said is true?? maybe i would prefer science though..people would said there are many supernatural things happen like miracles..not 100% things are proven by science..finally a person told me that..it's the law of nature..if we are against the nature then we will get something in return..like science said- every action has a reaction..

**A human being is part of the whole, called by us 'Universe'; a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely but striving for such achievement is, in itself, a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. -Albert Einstein

Eclipse...Shopping

2008-12-16T10:06:00.002+08:00

Finished reading Eclipe yesterday..quite pleased with the content if it's compared to the previous one-New Moon..the day started off as boring as usual..went for shopping for CNY with all my brothers..have good time with them while joking around and laughing away..christmas is just about a week away..wish for any nice Christmas plan but till now..my buddies still haven't call me up for any party or activity carried out for christmas..sobs..i guess after a pleasurable and delightful time of christmas..there will be a huge disastrous event that will going to happen..swt!! PMR results..haiz..hope it won't be much deplorable or appalling case..gonna spend another 2 weeks++ of holidays the best i could..if not..i would feel regret or rueful when school reopen and it's not a honeymoon year anymore..everything would be hard since we're going to learn more new things and i guess it's much much more tougher..

p.s. enjoy your holiday while you still be able to..^^

Tagged!!

2008-12-14T14:01:00.002+08:00

Tagged by CPH..i won't turn down her tag questions..

Obligations to be followed :

* List these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
* Tell 7 unspectacular quirks on yours.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
* Link the person who tagged you.
* Leave a comment for each blogger.

7 facts about me
+ despise and anxious waiting for pmr results (Duhh...)
+ eager to enter form 4
+ conservative person (in thinking and clothing?? really??)
+ self-centred
+ loathe traitorous people
+ love easy going life..but always pressured myself though =,=
+ always fail to do things that have been planned earlier..

7 unspectacular quirks
~ do not have a permanent interest in anything..sobs
~ gets bored easily in anything i do
~ quite emotional when it comes to friends and family matters
~ love to show the best of myself to everybody (what for? for impression...)
~ get carried away by thoughts easily..
~ have impossible and unrealistic dreams
~ dislike immature people--waste my time talking to them..lol

Don't have anyone to tag..it's all about myself..well, not interesting ehh? will try to ameliorate myself..hee~~

"New Moon"

2008-12-13T10:03:00.002+08:00

I woke up at a crack of dawn yesterday just to start reading the book entitled New Moon which is sequel of the book- Twilight..
I was spending my whole day reading the book enthusiastically while browsing through the net to find sources and information on Geminids meteor shower which is being said to being seen around midnight 13/14 December..some of the sources stated that it could be seen on 12th December night..so i stayed up yesterday..much to my disappointment..it was to cloudy and the moon was shining brightly behind those enveloping dark clouds..
i could sense some bad auras in the spooky atmosphere when i was standing alone on my house balcony staring blindly at the dark sky..the cold night breeze made me chilled and i decided that it was not my day to be given any chance to see any meteor..i was too sleepy then after finishing my New Moon..once my head hit the pillow..i was too fast asleep without thinking any plan or agenda to be carried out the next day..anyway..i still there's an opportunity for me to see any meteor since i've not seen any in my life before..hoping that the full moon which will shine brightly today do not make any stop for us to view this wonder of nature..

p.s. wish everyone would be able to see those magnificent view of meteor tonight! good luck!

ReaDinG Tw!lighT...

2008-12-11T17:54:00.002+08:00

After watching Twilight in the cinema...i couldn't resist of not reading it's book..so i started reading the book on the net..i was truly caught up with the book..it was totally hypnotizing!!
i couldn't stop myself from continuing the book..no wonder so many people gone through sleepless nights just to finish the series of books by Stephenie Meyer..i think this author transmitted some sense of arousing into the book and make the readers longing to read more and more..i'm going to start the next one- New Moon..hope it would be another worthwhile book to read and it will give a rush in the adrenaline though!! i'm ameliorating myself to read faster since i'm so eager to finish the whole series..Gambateh!!!

Out of daily boring basis

2008-12-08T20:38:00.002+08:00

Went watching a movie-"Twilight", yesterday, with my cousins which is a craze among the youngters especially teen girls..it is a love story between a handsome vampire boy named Edward Gullen with a human girl named Bella Swan. It is the most talked about movie in town. According to my cousin- cher minn, who has read all the twilight series book said that most of the best part in the book aren't displayed in the movie...the movie will be more lively if we read them and imagine it ourselves. it made me wonder whether i've the time to read the 4 books online or not..i hope i would fork out some time to read them though(each book is 600-700 pages..GOSH!!)i don't think i've the time albeit i was spending my time unnecessarily at home by watching anime(influence by my bro-LOL)and reading some health magazines..

i came across a joke in reader's digest that i wanna to show to all of you(who are browsing through my blog)..
"Flirting With Death"
Lying on His deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife, "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you'll put it in the casket."
After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.
Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn't put the money in there."
"I did promise him i would," the widow answers. "So i got it all together, deposited it in my account, and wrote him a CHEQUE. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

p.s. i laughed hard when i read this!! i shared it with most of my family members..what a nice joke!

DHAMMA YOUTH CAMP (CLUB MED #4)

2008-12-01T09:17:00.002+08:00

On 26th-30th november, i joined a buddhist camp known as Dhamma youth camp.
It was held in Vihara Buddha Gotama(VBG) which is a 15-acre forest monastery near Temoh,Perak.
Altogether there was 40 participants and many helpers and volunteers..we happened to know many new friends from singapore, penang, klang and langkawi island.

On the !st day..we reached the monastery about 11am.By the time, moat of the participants had congregrated in the VBG hall.
After collected my files and name tags..we unloaded our belongings in our room on the hill..After freshening up ourselves we were to assemble in the VBG hall again. Then we start practising chanting lead my 3 buddhist monks known as Bhante(s).after a 2-hour chanting session..we had our meditation period. Bhante Hye taught us the proper way of meditation and importance of it since Buddha achieved enlightenment and true happiness from meditating. during that time, i've 2nd thoughts..many of us regretted for coming this camp..since most of us are the computer-age generation. Gosh!we were then informed that in this camp..there's no dinner..we were totally shocked..only then did we realise that it is also one of the Dhamma. we also practised Dana there after listeing to Bhante Hye. the 1st day of not having a dinner is quite a challenge for most of us..thanks to Bhante Hye that he taught us the way to relieve hunger. we were allowed to take liquid form of food stuff to relieve hunger. According to Bhante Hye- dinner is not necessary since we do not carry out much activities during the night.many people suffers from all sorts of diseases because they eat too much of food..(malaysia as you all know..it's a heaven of delicacies) At night, after the session of Dhamma talks and Q&A session with Bhante Hye..we ate cheese and went to sleep at 9pm..(what?)many of us couldn't sleep on the first night.

On 2nd day,we were to wake up at 4am to prepare for meditation session at 5.30-6.30am.many of them felt sleepy including me.but it is a normal phenomenon for newbies like us. after that we went for a tour around the VBG until 7am. we saw sunrised! what a magnificent sight!! then after Comtemplation before and after meals(breakfast), on 7.20am sharp,i was involved with Pindapata--it is an activity where we were bare footed like the monks and walked on the tarred road and holding a box and following behind bhantes to go to town to beg for food..it's a truly experience that should be cherished always..i could see many people who knelt down and offer food to bhante which is called (Dana). my legs were really hurts..but i have the courage to continue when i saw the bhantes just walk as usual..it's because monks don't wear any shoes..on the Pindapata- we achieved lots of food which filled up the back of the van!! i was so glad..it means we will have a fantastic lunch-time..before our lunch at 11.30am, we needed to knelt and offer those food to Bhantes.it taught us what is Dana. after lunch, we had a rest and continue our activities..before our games we had a session with Brother Raymond and he shared with us lots of his experiences and the importance of practising Dhamma. after that we had an activity which needs our teamwork and intelligence.i could see that everyone enjoyed themselves very much. Later that night, we had a long session with Bhante Hye which he shared with us lots of inspirational experiences and teachings of Buddha.
--Health is a precious gain,
Contentment is a Wealth,
Trustworthy is the best kinsman,
Nibbana the highest bliss.

On the 3rd day,activities in the morning were the same..and after that i was involved with lay and clear lunch. after we had a rest after lunch..we have a 3-hour session with Brother Raymond where he showed us many inspirational movies that awaken us that sometimes we forget about what we need to do in life.. according to a medical professor's last speech (forgot the name..sorry) that left 2 months to live because he had a 3rd stage pancreas cancer--he said 3 important things that we should learn..
i) a wall is never meant to keep you out but it just want to test how bad you want to get to the other side
ii)it's not a pack of card and the hand which plays it but it is the card that you have in your hands and how you play it
iii)when you're screwing up and nobody tell you anything, it is the worst place to be in.
-from other movies, we learnt the true meaning of contentment,happiness and forgive ness..
**After that we have a session again with Bhante Hye where he let us to a topic between 2 topics- noble thoughts or devas and ghosts..100% chose Bhante Hye to talk about devas and ghosts..he shared with us his experiences and it's too long to be mentioned here. the session truly opens our eyes and our perspective in life.

On the 4th day, after breakfast, we happened to help Bhante carrying the bricks up the hill to build another Kuti(place where monks stay). i realised that many hands made light the work! after our job was done, we were led by bhante for hiking up the hill..(i almost get bitten by a leech). i was amazed that bhante was bare footed when we went up the hill..i truly tired then..later on that day, we had Club Med Reality Night..i took a long time..the main theme of it is forgiveness towards hatred..they arranged many activities for us so that we would realise and learn something.

On the 5th day..we went to Cameron highlands by a chartered bus. we got to know each other more closely in the bus..we went to few places- Strawberry farm, bee farm and boh tea plantation. after that, we went back after bidding adieu to all our friends!!

Dhamma-5 precepts(practised by lay men)
-do not kill
-do not steal
-do not lie
-do not consume all the alcoholic drinks and intoxicant
-do not carry out sexual misconduct/ adultery
**actually thers's 3 more..that we hard to practise them
-do not make up ourselves
-do not play games
-do not listen to songs..there's reason for it>it is said that we get carried away when we play games and listen to songs

~~most importantly, we learnt the value of contentment,true happiness and forgiveness

p.s. it's truly a worthwhilecamp to be in..and it taught us the great value in life and do lots of good kamma to others..

Everything happens for a reason

2008-11-23T10:35:00.002+08:00

yesterday i spent a whole 4 hours helping out my mum fixing the house curtains...
for me-it was just a piece of cake and everything went smoothly without a hitch..my mind just wandering around while i'm singing the HSM 3 songs (i guess my voice sucks!)lol..
one and a half hour past by..i was very happy as my job almost completed..in a spur of the moment, the phone rang..i knew it was my mum..DAMN IT!! only then did my mum tell me that all the hook that i fix on the curtains are the wrong ones!!!! i felt like as if the world had come crashing down on me!! my work for 2 hours were useless..sobs...then i was scolded and needed to fix back..sighs..i need to undo everything i did and do it again...i was terribly down..but then when i was fixing the curtains again..only then did i realise that some parts of the curtains i fix wrongly..i felt that everything happens for a reason..if i didn't fix wrongly..i wouldn't ever recover my mistakes..it also teaches me that don't ever be over confident and stay low-profile in life..this experience would forever be etched in my memory..^^

however..i was disappointed that i spent the whole evening fixing my mistakes.. :(

FruSt and tempramented =,=

2008-11-21T21:56:00.002+08:00

Am having tough time of doing those editing stuffs in this blog..sobs..
spending 2hours editing the layout and out of the sudden..i clicked on the delete button>GOSH!
OMG..what have i done?? all my hardwork(oh,really?) were like flushed into the toilet bowl or the drain..sighs..will learn from it..but slowing catching up with the blogging pace..lol ^^
i think only a 'noob' like me would face some CRITICAL problems during the blogging process..hee~~okie then..

first experience..

2008-11-21T11:20:00.000+08:00

zzz..
this would be a lifelong experience for me(blogging??)
i would cherish the fun and contentment of it..

p.s. i would update my blog soon.. hee~~

*Solace Zone*